71.0 Remain Angry, & Lose The Peace. The Fire of Anger Sends Its Smoke to the Mind.

All of us are humans. Homo Sapiens. Can this species get angry with others? I know. It is bad. But let's see it as a topic. We will discuss this. Anger! Anger Management! Getting Angry! etc... In the very first paragraph, I would like to question you. How about your status? Do you get angry often? Or seldom? Are you showing it to others, or are you keeping it with you by shutting up your mouth? Come to this open forum, and let's talk about it. You are invited!
 

 

In my childhood, I cannot remember a day when I got angry. In that era, my mother was the person who got angry because of us. Sometimes she could not control her anger. But we did not get angry with her though we felt sad once she punished us. Those days my sister was the key reason for me to get angry. But those cannot point as remarkable feelings because it vanished within a few minutes. 
 
 
Because of that reason, my father asked both of us to behave well. Every morning he advised us as so before leaving home for his job. However, we kept his promise when he was returning home. At the end of the day, we finished our fights, arguments, punishments, and we were working on our painting stuff. Both of us laid down on the floor and painted all our arts and picture books. Therefore, there was a peaceful environment. So, always he came home and said "Hey, it seems to be you two are good girls today." When he gives compliments to us, we did not forget to not to look at our mother. Lol...

 

 

Most of the day, at the end of every fight, my mother said that she has a severe headache because of our endless crazy things and fights. For such every pain, she used pain killers to get rid of it. Therefore, "Headache" was the most common illness, we heard at the end of the day. It was a part of our procedure.

 

School time went well. We did not have pressure for anything except exams. However, it did not go with stress, and I could manage the exam situations without any conflicts on my mind. But when moving to the last two years of school was a bit different. The exam pressure was at the maximum level, and staying in a boarding place also a key reason for that change, I guess. I could say that this time was the beginning of this topic. So, because of this status, I was angry with some of my friends. Though I cannot remember the exact reason, it happened for a silly thing. It was the situation.
 

 

However, it did not bring up to higher studies. It was another joyful era if there were no exams.  So, nothing was there to get angry. Those days one of our lecturers said that "you cannot have a joyful time like this when you move for your career. Working with people is the challenge than your work". She said as so when she was angry with us because of a disciplinary problem of the students. Though it was in my mind because of the way she told us and her facial expressions, I did not care about it as usual.
 

I could say that the job era was the worst period. I know I gained experience and learned a lot. But the status of the mind that needs to be kept in without anger/hatred was the thing I could not manage. There were billions of things to get angry. As she said, people were the main reason and challenge. Some juniors did not work, and some of them had less efficiently. Some seniors gave all the benefits to the team members they like. There were certain conditions for being with them, and it is another topic to discuss. Some people had attitude issues. Some people are unfair. So, the working environment was filled up with reasons for getting angry.

 

So, without control or management, it overwhelmed my mind. I can remember there was a small computer tool that allows hitting the screen using a hammer. For each click, you can see fake cracks on your screen. So, they named it as a tool for anger management. After many clicks, you can see a weird screen that has many cracks. You cannot see any of your desktop icons, documents, or any other program until you exit from that program. However, it was a good tool to forget the anger and focus on something else. 
 

Counting from 10 to 1 is a well-known technique that everybody knows. But those days, it did not work for me, and I could say that tool was a good one up to some extent. With all the cracks of the screen, I could see the ugliness of my mind. Those cracks showed the spoiled status of the mind. So, it was a good tool. The other most important thing is when you are angry, it removed all the other thoughts, and anger is the only thing that you can see. So, those cracks of that tool also revealed the same. You can see only cracks on the screen. Therefore, it was a good comparison to think about anger. 

I never got a benefit from anger, and I hope it is similar to you too. It destroyed the peace of mind, and I hope it is similar to you too. It destroyed our appearance, and that is why our grannies used to say, "don't get angry. You will be ugly". It damages our inner body. The way how it happens is another topic. As an example, I can point out my mother's headache that she had after getting angry for a couple of years. Sometimes, I too have a pain in my forehead area when being with angry feelings for a certain time.  
 

You know about this situation with your different experiences. So, that is why Lord Buddha preached these Dhamma as a universal truth. It does not depend on our religion or nationality. When I was discussing my situation with one of my friends, then she shared these Dhamma sermons with me. I listened to it to find out a good solution. If you have the interest to know more, then you also can listen to these sermons. (You can search the sermons via Maha Sinha Nadaya Ven Thiththagalle Anandasiri Thero). Acceptance or rejection is your choice. But you can listen to it. Good things are the things that hard to do. Anger management also the same! But it is a must for this rare human life. Anger! It is ugly...

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger” (Reference: Internet)

 

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21.0 Let's Discuss Horrible Shopping Experiences

Even though I could not imagine how many times I went shopping during my lifetime, several memorable incidents are there to share with you. Out of all most of them are funny and, tired memories. Though we started the journey happily, most of the time it ended up with a severe headache. 

It was that much-tired journey in the end as we spent many hours for shopping. At the start, we thought not to spend more time in one shop if they did not have our wish list. But it never worked. Therefore, once we returned home, we could not speak loudly and, we did not want to move a little bit.

Though it seemed nice at the time we bought, there were certain items that looked ugly once we rechecked those at home. There were at least two such items. So, it brought more pain for the head and legs when I was thinking of exchange even. It requires another effort to go there and, find out other replacements. Sometimes I went to exchange and, it was an additional cost. In all those times, I had to pay more for the exchanged item as always, its price was higher than the previous one. It was a miserable thing I ever had. Therefore, I did not happy about all the bought items, though they were my choices. The same thing happened to my cousins and friends as well. They also faced the same situation. Later on, I wore all the bought clothes and shoes, though I did not like them. Once I told this to one of the friends, he said that it's common for every female including his wife. Furthermore, he pointed out it as a universal issue. Lol... 

Early days, I went shopping with my mother and sister. My father did not join us, though he came to drop us. He stayed in the vehicle and let us spend any time. Because he knew that it was a punishment for him. Every time my mother fed up with us by spending a few hours and, said that it was her last shopping journey with us. However, she came for next time as well. Later on, she sat on a chair in the shop and, let us select whatever we liked once she finished her shopping. However, we could go for a maximum of three to four shops once we went with my mother. Though we did not buy our desired things, she did not want to spend any single minute after exceeding that threshold. As well as she could not tolerate when we were checking the same stuff again and again. So, she noticed it as an unnecessary time we spent on the same things and, said that there's no point in checking the same stuff. We said that we wanted to make sure that we did not miss anything good for us. However, she did not accept those as excuses and asked us to leave the shop if there were no things to buy without idling. 

Later on, we two went alone without my mother. We asked her to stay at home and, she also loved our suggestion. Sometimes she gave her list and asked us to bring those things for her. So, we went to any number of shops we wished and stayed there for long hours without looking at our watches even. 

We went to ten to twelve shops sometimes and, bought what we want. My sister was a good shopping partner, and we two have the same limits. Once it exceeded, we decided to stop shopping. However, both of us came back home like zombies and, we were tired like nothing. As the first thing, we showed the new items to my mother. After that, we two shared the bill, according to the money we spent on each other. As usual, we got various responses from our mother, and she did not like some of the things we bought. There was an era where I wore different varieties of blue color. Those days most of my clothes were a blue color. So, my mother did not like it at all and, she said that she will throw away if I bought anymore blue color clothes. She gave that warning every time when we were going outside. Our grandmother also agreed on the same by expanding it for 'Black color as well. As her eyesight was weak those days, she saw all the other dark colors like black color. Apart from that color issue, both of them asked us to return home quickly without spending unnecessary time in the shops. So, once we returned, they said that 'Oh no. Did you spend the whole day to buy these few items? What did you do for the entire day men? If I spent that time, I would buy clothes for the rest of my lifetime.

So, it was pathetic to hear their comments. After that, we did not disclose some items with them. However, we had to listen to their comments as we could not hide those when we were going outside. Then they said that 'Hey, I did not see your outfit before. When did you buy this? It's too tied, okayyy. This color is very dark and not suitable for you. Those were some comments they gave.

My father's younger brother was a good companion for us to do shopping. He supported us and, did not have a hurry to go back. He did not get tired and, visited any number of shops without a limit. One day I think we visited nearly twenty shops to buy sarees, some costumes and shoes for a wedding. As all of our selections were different, we had to go to that many shops to specially buy sarees. At that time, I could not wear saree properly. So, one sales guy in the shop helped me to wear and select. He understood that I could not wear it by myself according to the way I followed up. So, he helped me a lot. Meantime, he asked me to get ready from the early morning as I might take a couple of hours to wear the saree. On that day also, our uncle ("Bappa") was there with us and, supported all of us to select our sarees including costumes. So, when we had a family event, my father and father's elder brother sent him with us. I think it was a great relief for them as they did not want to bear up that pain when he was there with us. They did not even worry about the number of hours we spent shopping. So, our uncle spent more time when he was buying anything for himself as well. He went to all the possible shops until he found the desired thing. It applied for everything and, he visited many girls to find out his bride as well. 

Because of this habit, when he was a school student, he had a nickname called 'Town guy' ('Town Banda'). My father always said that it was the most suitable nickname for him, though he called him 'Professor Calculus'. He used that name to save his contact details as well. So, when two brothers are going outside, my father never let him go to a shop as he knew his selection procedure. One day, when we were going on a trip, there was an area which was a well-known place for the fish market. At that time, my father asked him to buy some fish and meantime, asked him to come soon. We waited for nearly an hour, but he did not come back. Then my father went to find him and, at that time also he did not buy anything. He blamed and dragged him back to the vehicle.

A few days I went shopping with my cousin and my father's elder brother. It was for a family wedding. Though we had a big list to buy, our uncle ("Loku Thaththa") wanted to buy all the stuff from the first place. It needed to be done very fast too. So, he asked us to come back soon. Meanwhile, he shouted and reminded the list of other work he needs to be done within the rest of the day. However, we wanted to select our wish list somehow. Later on, we ignored him and, moved to some other areas of the shop when he was trying to contact us. It increased his anger and blamed us when returning back. Like the others, he also warned that it was his last shopping journey with us.

One day I went to an office to take some support materials for my degree certificate. At that time, they asked me to wait for a few minutes. Additionally, they said that they need their chief's approval. At that time, that lady was not there. So, I thought to go to a nearby shop during this idle time though I did not have money to buy anything at that time. I just wanted to do window shopping. So, I just checked a few clothes and, noted that the price was very high. All were very expensive. As I wanted to spend time, I just walked over the floors by visiting the items without buying anything. So, one sales guy came to me and, asked, 'Ma'm what did you look for?. At that time, I thought that they do not have party wears. So, as I did not buy anything, I said that I was looking for party wears, but it is not available. Then he said 'No ma'am it is on our next floor and, he asked me to come with him. I felt sorry for my self and, went with him. I checked a few of frocks and, he also supported me to select. They were expensive like nothing. After a few minutes, I said to him that my choice is not available and, left that shop as soon as possible. 

For the moment, I received much feedback from you all for my written blog posts. Thank you very much for your kind responses. It is a great pleasure for me. If you could mention your country, then it would be an amazing feeling for me to know that I have global friends. However, it is up to you, and I respect your choice. 

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